I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
