Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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