living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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