If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
40s are totally the cure
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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