I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
