Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
