Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
