she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
