i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
