they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
