I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
