i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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