ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
