guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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