By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
