My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think your dad took our porno
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
