I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
