Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
