I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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