the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
