I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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