Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
