I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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