i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
