What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
