what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
