we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
