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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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