I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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