my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
