Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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