Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize