hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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