How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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