Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
