I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
