He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
