Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
