i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
