life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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