check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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