I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
