none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
