They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
