The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
