Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
