It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
