I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
