You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
