She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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