if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
