I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
