Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
