just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
