I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
