he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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