MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
