okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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