Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
