I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
