I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize