you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
