i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
