remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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