Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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