I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
