Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
