There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
