Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
