i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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