First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
