I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
