He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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