Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
