I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
