Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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