Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
