in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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