i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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