It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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